Can you?

Can you?

I've been wondering about the schematics of saying "can you help me?" and I realize that within this phrase lies a very powerful psychological force. Well, the power depends on the distance between the asker and the asked, the location, the situation, as well as the relationship between each, as well as the individual character of each, but still, the whole saying of that brings about a set of options that is always, or nearly, becomes a single option instead of a few. For starters, the most common would probably be simply labor-related work, such as bringing something over to somewhere. When the whole "can you help me?" phrase comes into play, usually, the answer will be yes, verbally or mentally said. In a general situation where there's no slightly weird factor which makes what I'm saying later irrelevant to any point, it becomes an obligation to do whatever that has been requested. It is an option to say no, or later, or let-me-think-about-it, or any other answer that one can think off, but like a diplomatic answer, it is usually towards yes for relationship purposes, most of the time subconsciously having the purpose in mind, instead of actively seeking to strengthen, I can't see how it is to weaken or neutralize, the relationship. It is not a compulsory move to make, to agree, nor is it a bad choice to say yes. But, no matter what the cause is, the psychological impact on the asked is greatly seen, because most subjects will say yes, if given the question, for example, to a scenario involving being asked to borrow his/her phone for a simple call. Many a times, no thought is given about it when being asked, and thus, this simple question therefore can be said to force the characteristics of the question into being, coerced and subjected into doing something which most of the time, isn't beneficial in anyway, with the exception that completing the request given shows that one isn't a selfish human. The aspects that make up the power of the psychological influence are many, but first off, distance between each other. Normally, the further the distance is, the lesser the impact of the psychology behind the question. When distance, it's relative more to visual distance. For example, over the phone, from one end of Singapore to the other, maybe the person won't comply. If it is face to face, most probably the asked will do the request. If shouting from one end of the school block to the other, forgetting the request is also possible. But the best chances are always face to face. Also, the distance of the request comes into consideration. If it is to accompany a friend, "can you accompany me to do my job interview?", which is in the nearby shopping mall, possibly it will be done. But, if it is to fetch some person from the (again) other side of Singapore because that person is lost "I lost my way, can you pick me up?" Most probably no. Chances of saying yes are further examined when I reach the part about relationship between asker and asked. The location isn't that a factor, but for example, if it was the asker's house, or the asked house, the chances of complying will definitely go up, because it becomes a mutual relationship between the host and the guest, where one is in the other's territory, and respect will come into play to preserve the relationship. Haven't gotten much thought into that yet, so my opinions on it will be unsure. But if the location is where weather affects much of an individual, and the request has something to deal with the elements themselves, possibly the rates of complying might go up. But most of the time, comfort doesn't apply when being asked the question, where keeping the friendship becomes more of a top priority. The situation closely follows the location factor, but they are not necessarily the same. A location can always bring about different sets of scenarios. But in most situation, it is to the asker's benefit, but nor is it greatly to the asked disadvantage. There may not be a significant benefit that is noticeable, but nor will there be a significant disadvantage. That said, most situation will revolve around this principal. Of course, sometimes when the request requires expenditure of some sort that is non-renewable without re-expending energy, then the chances of saying yes will greatly be affected. When referring to renewable expenditure, it might mean physical strength most of the time, but sometimes just a bit of brain power, in the context of saying "can you give your opinion on this?" For example, if asked by a stranger "can you lend me some money? Lost my wallet." Such an excuse might be true, but wary ones will tend to say no. The psychology is still there, but in a different form. Since the situation now that arises tends not to two people who have at least a tangible relationship, but to two people who simply happen to meet, the psychology inflicting the asked will be more to sympathy, or good will, both which are just a line apart in difference. The situation doesn't always need to be calculated in determining the chances of agreeing or not, but in special situations such as above, most likely the option picked will be no. The relationship between each is pretty much common sense. If it was a request from mother to son, or within a blood tie, it is nearly always a yes on a general basis, if internal conflicts and specific treatment to certain characters in a family is not taken into account. Also, between friend to friend, it will nearly always be a yes, in fact always a yes, if it was a face to face. The minor hurt given to the counterpart when saying no is possibly what I feel the reason that allows for yes to be an obligated, but yet in some sense a compulsory, move to be taken. Of course, possibly the most influential would be the individual him/herself. If it was one who abuse this phrase, obviously with repeated asking it would be no. If it was one who most of the time is shy and outspoken, possibly it is an extremely high rate, but leaving exceptions out it would be 100% yes. Also, gender counts. For a girl to a guy, depending on what the guy thinks of the girl, if the girl ask, definitely the request would be completed. Same goes for vice versa. This may not be the case, but it will prove that the entire human blueprints and grown traits will be taken into account subconsciously by the asked to judge whether saying yes would be a good answer. Most of the time, it would be yes. Also, the person matters. Not just the gender, but depending on the social ranking, the higher, typically the rate would go up. If a policeman asked for directions (if, I said if), hen definitely there would be some sort of answer given, most of the time in an indirect form of saying yes. Many other factors will follow in this simple question, but it is not much different. The only thing that is so powerful about this question that it is a simple phrase anyone can use, or abuse, to not only it's psychological conning extent but also to induce scenarios otherwise not possible, such as getting to know someone better, of which otherwise might only just be an one-time-only meeting. Also, the psychology underlying it pulls the asked mind towards the desired task easily, because not that it is hard to say no, or that no is not an option, but most of the time, it is to show respect and to show that hey, I too am not selfish and only bother about myself. Such in-depth beneficiaries are not thought on the spot, but most of the time as a subconscious effort, in the same medium as how psychology carries out its effects. The thing is, basically, "can you..." questions subjugate one to do something that consume time and energy accomplishing something that may not be beneficial in any sense at all in the long or short run with the exception of solely for that instance you are not a selfish person (but just someone who might be conned, depending on the cunningness of the asker). Theoretically speaking, it isn't wise to judge should I or should I not, but just do it, to prove that at that instance you are a friend, and with repeated request, you really are. But of course, cramming all scenarios with one simplistic or complicated rule or set of rule will ensure that you will be abused as a asked one day, or a week, or many months, or your lifetime. Each scenario has its own rules, consider, and judge only if the scenario sounds fishy. (Like if I ask, "can you comment?")(That was a minor jest, but consider fishy requests that include non-renewable energy.)